By DANNY GALLAGHER

Normally, a person who doesn't regularly do drugs would say this, but I sure wouldn't want to be Mickey Mouse right now.

The once proud and seemingly invincible entertainment empire took two major belts to the groin this week after they closed one of their biggest animation studios in Orlando, one that worked on some of their feature length animated films like "Mulan" and "Brother Bear." Granted, more people saw the Ishtar "Director's Cut" on Beta tapes than both of those films combined, but it's a shame nonetheless.

Then, Pixar Animation Studios and Disney went their separate ways after negotiations broke down faster than a 1978 Pinto Hatchback trying to run on a full tank of mineral water. The offer would've extended their agreement to make even more hilarious, lovable, absolutely perfect feature length computer animated films well beyond 2005, not to mention the fact that it's the only thing keeping the Disney corp. from swimming with the singing and dancing fishes. But Pixar's price was too high and Disney turned them away.

Now, chairman Michael Eisner is starting to look like Nero as the board of executives and the shareholders question his judgment as an effective corporate leader and decide whether or not to have him thrown out faster than a Disney theme park patron who rides the Terror of Tower wearing nothing but an embroidered mouse ears hat.

First of all, the Orlando closing wasn't as big of a deal from my perspective because Disney hasn't released a decent animated film of their own since "Aladdin." But in the big scheme of things, it's still a big deal since Disney's known for their years of work in animated films even if their most recent ones don't deserve to be screened in our nation's federal prison system.

But if the Disney empire falls than Howard Dean's poll numbers, the break with Pixar will be the first fallen domino that starts the chain reaction. Every film Pixar has made from their brilliant short films to their feature length animated comedies have delighted audiences in ways no one else can. I can't think of a film Pixar has made that was even remotely awful. In my humble opinion, Pixar is the best thing that could've happened to the Disney company. But Disney turned away Pixar, which is like me turning down a Victoria's Secret cover model. Don't laugh, it could happen.

Why did Disney send Pixar packing? Why else? Money, moolah, cash, green, lettuce, scratch, what Bill Gates uses instead of toilet paper. They couldn't agree on a price for their yearly contract since Pixar felt they deserved a bigger slice of the money pie. And quite frankly, they deserve it. It takes several years, thousands of dedicated artists, hundred of thousands of hours and God-only-knows how much dough to put together a quality ninety minute film. But "The Mouse House" is too greedy and ungrateful to give them a slice. Well, not only can Disney have it's cake, but it can eat me, too.

Now, there's talk that Eisner might follow Pixar's lead and get shown to the door by security leaving his chairman seat open to someone who can run the company more effectively. It's not like the movie studio closing and the Pixar deal are entirely his fault, but he's not exactly looking like as effective of a corporate leader as Scrooge McDuck in the eyes of the board.

But even further down the chain of events, what if the Disney corp. were to fall altogether? Perish the thought, but imagine what the world be like without the Walt Disney Corporation....

- People who can't afford proper burials will change their legal names to Bea Witch, Dustin T. Dust and Hal Lusinashun for the free headstones at the "Haunted Mansion" ride.

- Crazed Florida rednecks raid the Hall of Presidents to steal the animatronic Bill Clinton statute for target practice.

- The U.S. Congress would create a law allowing states the right to put people to death who sing "It's a Small World After All" in public.

- In order to gain an easy boost in their ratings, ABC replaces the Sunday night show "The Wonderful World of Disney" with "T&A Matinee."

- Due to the elimination of ridiculously high theme park ticket prices, souvenirs and meals, the U.S. can afford to fully fund education for every single child, provide houses and food for all of the nation's homeless and give Haliburton the largest government contract ever to hunt for weapons of mass destruction in Idaho.

- Disney's "Imagineers" are forced back into their old job - trying to beat the Russians to the moon.

- The hundreds of Disney employees forced to dress and walk around in public as cartoon characters find new careers and can earn something they couldn't with their old job - dignity.

- FOX Studios can now move into the lucrative theme park franchise featuring rides such as "Dude, Where's My Bumper Car?", "Bernie Mac's Wild Ride into Parenting" and "When Amusement Park Rides Collapse...With You Riding Them 4!"

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©2004 by Danny Gallagher

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